I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
