Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
