Your mouth is God's brothel.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
