Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
you never un-have a 4some
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
