You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
