A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
