I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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