I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
