Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
