If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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