well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
