It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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