she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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