Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
