Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
