we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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