lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
