Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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