I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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