no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
