I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
