Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
