Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
