my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
