I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
