So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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