Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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