quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
