So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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