Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
