i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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