wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
