I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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