goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
