you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
