Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
