I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
