well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
