My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
