I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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