I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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