Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
