This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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