We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
