dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
