My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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