This girl is more easily done than said...
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i came on her dog
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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