Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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