barbara walters just said penis...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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