If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
How does one acquire holy water?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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