she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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