fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
