if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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