Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
