I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
