you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
