Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
