We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
