Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
